It had been sometime i had stopped myself from writing about her…. yet i will write. In recent times i have bounded myself from contacting Suni, such that i do not want to create scene in her life. I love her but i want her freedom, her identity too. She once told me our marriage is now not possible and could be that her past life is inviting her. Suni couple of week back told me the time is comming when she shall give me a surprise, her surprise i know it, she will be getting married and she wants to inform me half an hour ahead of it. i do not know how shall i react or i could only say i love you….take care!!
I was at Khamdong…..
I visited Khamdong BDO office along with Roshan and Srawan. I was on officialvisit to hand over my salary order. It was a nice journey till then but it really took more than three hours for us to reach back at Singtam. I clicked many photos on the way back.I really liked watching Singtam from the height. Regarding Suni i am having a feel that i should let her decide what she wants in future rather than be around her muffing off her thoughts. I want to be with her but i do not to force her. She has to live her life.
I was at Siliguri……
Yesterday i was off to Siliguri to bring back Seema and my child. I was not in a happy mood in the morning since Bua did not allowed my to take the vehicle. What actually hurt me was not the absenceof the driver but the way he told that it shall take 700 to 800 extra expenses. It did made me bad and i left out. My journey was nice with my old friend Tashi accompanying me. We had wonderful moments. I wanted to return back but something within me did not allowed me so i stayed back. My child was bit shy when she saw me. i was told that she was awaiting my arrival since morning. She had grown up and looked beautiful. Late noon i left for market with Seema. I was very surprise that i was with my wife but in my mind there was Suni and i was missing her. I could feel her absence and i am sure that i wasn’t exactly thinking about her. Gods know whats heading for me!! There was a clash at Baghdogra between the Gorkhaland supporters and the police as a result the was a sudden bandh..well even from tomorrow there are minute chances
I came back today…i had nice time with my child…i really like when she told she wants to be with me..like wants to eat from my hand and i could feel her dry face when i told i am going away. She is just two year old but the way she reacted i am happy. Today too we had Tashi and his two friend with us back. It was nice to be back at home.
I want to help her…..
Yesterday after a week i had a talk with Suni for over 15 minutes at noon and i could read out her trouble. Even after completing out her Masters she had not got any job and is frustrating her. I find myself guilty that i could not help her out. As i was told by Suz, Suni wants to complete her Mphil from Pune University but financially they are not in a stable state. Suz told me it requires around 3 lakhs and i asked her i can manage 1 lakh from my side as i could apply for a personal loan on my behalf. I know Suni won’t accept my money so i had a talk with Suz if possible do take it from her side and give her.
Suni wanted me to look for an employment news on Allahabad bank but she did not fit on the criteria. I could feel her displeasure and above all her age is bringing forth few binges. Late night i had a talk with her but she ended up her call since her elder brother came to her room. She did mention of it on her msg send to me.
Today it was pleasant surprise Suni gave me a call and told me about yesterday sudden switching off of the cell. Nevertheless i felt happy she gave me a call. I have talk with Rocky about a teacher vacancy out at Machong and lets see hoe it develops.
Lips gave me call after couple of month. Seema wants me to be at Siliguri tomorrow but i want to there only on Sunday. Had a talk with Seema’s father too.
I received her message just now…….
For the last 15-20 days i had been sending Suni two sms per day..one in the noon and one at night. I was not able to get on did she really enjoyed my sms or she was just being dumb for it. Suni does not send me messages usually and i do not complain for it. What do i expect from her? She just send me a small note that she love to read my msg and her mobile inbox is fulled with my msg…I am happy. Suni…i am incomplete without you. I came to know about your absence only after i lost you. My marriage made many changes on you and did shattered your hopes and dreams. I know what i did was not to be forgiven but as you tell me i gave you pain..now i am feeling the pain. I have that believe and faith that we shall be together some day. I shall be there waiting you.
i might be wrong….
I might be wrong in my way but i have that believe that one day….that big ONE DAY i shall be together with Suni. I find myself incomplete without her and i also know that she cannot accept me after knowing that i am already married. I came to know her importance only after loosing her. The personal life after my marriage is a big turmoil and i am to blame for myself…i could not help myself. I told Suz today that i have that believe that we shall be together. She just listen to my words but could not go through it. She does not want to come in between. Anyway i also know i want my wife for my daughter’s sake.
